Love does not begin or end as we think it does. Love is a battle, a war; love is a growing up.
James Baldwin

He looks at her across the table—her laugh, her spark, everything he’s ever wanted—and his heart says, this is it. But then life crashes in: a job across the country, a family crisis, or just a gut feeling he’s not ready. Suddenly, “I love you” doesn’t mean “I do.” After years of writing about relationships—watching love bloom, stumble, and sometimes fade—I’ve seen this heartbreak play out too often. It’s the gut punch of finding the right person at the wrong time. Love is there, loud and accurate, but timing, circumstances, and readiness can slam the brakes on marriage. Why does this happen? And is waiting worth it—or a sign to let go? Let’s explore this messy, beautiful dilemma and figure it out together.

Love’s Not the Only Player

We grow up thinking love conquers all—movies sell us that fairy tale hard. But in real life? It’s not that simple. Love’s a big piece, but it’s not the whole puzzle. Timing’s the sneaky wildcard that can mess it all up. He might adore her—think she’s the one—but if the clock’s off, that ring stays in the drawer. I’ve talked to countless men who’ve said, “She’s perfect, but not now.” Love’s loud, but life’s more audible, and marriage takes a backseat when the two don’t sync.

It’s not cold feet or a lack of heart—it’s reality butting in. Maybe he’s 25, chasing a career, and can’t picture settling down. Or he’s 40, post-divorce, still picking up the pieces. Love’s burning bright, but it’s not enough to override where he’s at. That’s the kicker: the right person doesn’t always show up when you’re ready to catch them. And that gap? It’s where this dilemma lives.

Timing: The Silent Dealbreaker

Timing is the catalyst—the invisible wall between dating and forever. He might meet her in college, broke and dreaming big when marriage feels like a distant planet. Or maybe they cross paths in his mid-30s, but he’s knee-deep in a startup, working 80-hour weeks. The clock’s ticking differently for him than for her, and that mismatch can stall everything. I’ve seen it rip couples apart—love screaming, yes, but timing whispering, not yet.

Take Jake, a guy I counseled back in 2015. He was 28, head-over-heels for Sarah, but fresh out of grad school with student loans piling up. “I can’t give her a life yet,” he told me, eyes full of regret. Sarah wanted a ring; Jake wanted stability first. Love wasn’t the issue—the timing was. He couldn’t marry her when he couldn’t even afford rent. That’s the power of when: it can turn the right person into a “what if” faster than you’d think.

Life Circumstances: The Outside Forces

Then there’s life—the little stuff beyond his control. Jobs, family, and health are like uninvited guests crashing the love party. Maybe he’s got a sick parent needing care, sucking up his time and cash. Or a promotion moves him 2,000 miles away, and long-distance feels like a gamble. These aren’t excuses—they’re roadblocks. He loves her, no question, but life’s throwing curveballs he can’t dodge.

I remember Lisa and Mark from a few years back. Mark was 35 and crazy about Lisa, but his dad’s cancer hit hard. He spent a year caregiving—nights at the hospital, days juggling work. “I can’t plan a wedding now,” he said. Lisa waited, then didn’t. Love was real, but circumstances were louder. For a man, these outside pressures can scream pause when his heart’s yelling goes. Marriage needs space to breathe, and life doesn’t always give it.

Personal Readiness: The Inner Battle

Here’s the big one: is he ready inside? Love’s not a light switch—he can’t just flip it to “marriage mode” if his head and heart aren’t there. Maybe he’s still figuring out who he is, scarred from a past breakup, or just not done chasing his dreams. I’ve met guys who say, “She’s amazing, but I’m not the man I want to be yet.” That’s not dodging—it’s honesty. He wants to bring his best self to the altar; he’s a work in progress right now.

Think of Tom, 32, who I advised in 2018. He loved Jen—called her his soulmate—but he’d just left a toxic job and was rebuilding his confidence. “I can’t be a husband ‘till I’m solid,” he told me. Jen saw it as stalling; Tom saw it as self-respect. Readiness isn’t about loving her less—it’s about him needing time to grow into the role. When he’s not there yet, marriage feels like a leap he’ll flub, not land.

The Weight of Traditional Expectations

Old-school ideas still linger—men as providers, stable and sure. That’s the blueprint he might carry, even in 2025. Dating fits that—he woos, he impresses, and no big promises are needed. Marriage? That’s the whole gig: house, kids, security. He might hold back if he’s not “there” yet—financially, emotionally—even if he loves her. Tradition says to be the rock, and he won’t step up if he’s shaky.

I’ve seen this clash with guys like Sam, 38, who adored his girlfriend but lived paycheck-to-paycheck. “I can’t marry her ‘till I’ve got something to offer,” he said. She didn’t care about money, but he did—his dad’s voice said provide. Dating let him love without that pressure; marriage felt like a test he’d fail. Those roots run deep and can keep him stuck in “not yet” mode.

Modern Realities: A New Spin on Timing

Today’s world flips that script—careers stretch longer, people marry later, and life is less linear. He might be 30 and still building, but he is not ready to plant roots. She’s the right person, but modern chaos—student debt, gig work, global moves—says the wrong time. Dating is flexible; marriage isn’t. He can love her now without locking in; that freedom fits our fast-paced era.

The Emotional Tug-of-War

Loving her but not marrying her—it’s a rollercoaster. He feels the pull: her smile, their nights together, the what-ifs. But doubt creeps in—Can I do this now? It’s not coldness; it’s conflict. He’s torn between heart and head, wanting her but wrestling with life’s timing. That tug-of-war can freeze him in place, stuck loving without committing.

I’ve watched this shred guy like Ben, 34, who told me, “She’s everything, but I’m scared I’ll mess it up.” His ex left him raw, and a new job loomed. Love screamed yes; fear said wait. That push-pull is brutal—he risks losing her, but rushing feels worse. The dilemma’s core is that love’s loud, but readiness calls the shots.

Is Waiting Worth It?

So, should he wait? It’s the million-dollar question. If the timing’s off but fixable—say, a job stabilizes in a year—waiting might pay off. Love that strong doesn’t fade quickly. I’ve seen couples like Mike and Tara—he waited out a career shift, proposed at 31, and they’re solid 10 years later. If he’s growing toward her, not away, patience can bridge the gap. It’s a bet on us over now.

But here’s the flip: waiting’s not always golden. If he’s stalling with no endgame—years pass, excuses pile up—it’s a red flag. Love without action can wither. I recall Jenny, who waited five years for Paul. He loved her but kept saying “soon”—then never did. She moved on, heartbroken but free. Waiting’s worth it when he’s moving forward; otherwise, it’s a limbo that drains.

When faced with the “right person, wrong time” dilemma, many couples cling to hope, believing that waiting will solve everything. But is waiting always the right choice?

1. The Risk of Wasted Time

If one person is ready for commitment and the other keeps postponing marriage with vague promises like “someday” or “when the time is right,” it can lead to years of uncertainty.

• If a man hesitates to set a clear timeline, it may indicate that he’s comfortable in the relationship but has no real intention of taking the next step.
• Waiting indefinitely can leave one partner feeling unfulfilled, especially if marriage is their priority.

2. The Emotional Toll of Waiting

Hope can be beautiful, but it can also be exhausting when there’s no certainty about the future.

• Constantly hoping for change without real progress can lead to frustration, insecurity, and self-doubt.
• One partner may question their worth—“Am I not enough for him to want to commit?”

The longer the waiting game continues, the more emotionally draining it becomes.

3. When Does Waiting Make Sense?

Not all waiting is terrible. Sometimes, postponing marriage can be wise if a clear, mutual plan is in place.

• If both partners openly discuss their future and agree on a specific timeline, waiting can be beneficial.
• If the reasons for waiting are realistic (e.g., completing a degree, saving for a home), then patience can pay off.

However, waiting should never be indefinite or one-sided.

When to Move On

Sometimes, “wrong time” is a polite no. If life’s hurdles keep stacking—different cities, clashing goals, endless not yet—love might not win. He could adore her but see no path to marriage. That’s not failure—it’s clarity. Moving on hurts, but it beats chasing a ghost. I’ve told women like Lisa, “If he’s stuck, don’t be too.” She left Mark after two years of “maybe”—and found love later with someone ready.

For him, letting go can be freedom, too. He might love her enough to step aside if he can’t give her now. It’s brutal but honest. The right person at the wrong time can still be a lesson—not a life sentence.

Love’s Limits: When It’s Not Enough

Here’s the raw truth: love’s not a magic wand. It can’t fix lousy timing, rewrite life’s script, or fast-track his readiness. He might see her as the one but balk because the stars don’t align. That’s not a cop-out—it’s human. I’ve learned this over 20 years: love’s mighty but not all-powerful. Circumstances can outweigh it, and that’s where this dilemma stings.

This dilemma’s gray—no black-and-white answers. He loves her, but marriage isn’t a yes-or-no switch. Timing, life, readiness—they’re the gatekeepers. Waiting might spark a fairy tale; moving on might open new doors. I’ve seen both works. The trick? Listen—to him, to her, to the clock. If he’s inching closer, hold on. If he’s drifting, let go. Love’s a guide, not a guarantee.

Signs It’s Time to Move On

If you are in an endless cycle of waiting without progress, it may be time to reconsider whether love alone is enough. Here are some red flags:

1. Vague Promises with No Action

If your partner always says, “We’ll get married one day,” but avoids setting any real plan, it’s a sign that commitment may not be on his agenda.

2. You Have Different Long-Term Goals

You’re on different paths if you want marriage and he doesn’t (or if he’s content with the relationship as it is). No amount of love can change that fundamental difference.

3. He’s Comfortable, But You Feel Stuck

Some men enjoy the emotional benefits of a committed relationship without the responsibility of marriage. If he’s comfortable but you feel stagnant, it’s a sign of imbalance.

4. The Relationship Feels One-Sided

If you’re the only one pushing for progress while he remains indifferent, it may be time to rethink whether this relationship is worth holding onto.

Conclusion: Knowing When to Stay and When to Walk Away

The “right person, wrong time” dilemma is one of the most painful realities of love. Sometimes, no matter how much two people love each other, external factors prevent them from being together.

The key question is: Are you waiting for a realistic future or holding onto hope with no real foundation?

• If both partners are on the same page and working towards a shared future, waiting may be worth it.
• But if one person is stuck in indecision while the other craves certainty, it may be time to let go.

Love should not be a waiting game with no end. At the end of the day, you deserve someone who chooses you—not just when the timing is convenient, but always. What do you think?